Sincerely wishing I had the intellectual wherewithal to share even a smidgen of wisdom, or offer a clever snippet of info. Only a rambling, blathering, therapy session from this Lymie today, as there isn’t a spare speck of brain power to be had. A rather common occurrence – ha! Unsure if this is sad, humorous, or sadly humorous. 🤔
Even though I’m coming off a wonderful week of having family in town, I’m currently battling my emotions. I’ve been feeling on the higher spectrum of miserable, more so these past few days, causing me to grow increasingly weary. In addition to my “normal” escalated Lyme, co’s, and herxing symptoms, cabin fever has decided to join the mix.
I’ve been completely housebound since my wild and crazy afternoon outing with my sister – fondly referred to as “Monumental Monday” – back in June. The walls are now beginning to feel as though they are closing in around me. And after realizing I haven’t left the house in almost three months, I’m officially having myself a little Debbie Downer moment. Perfect!
Not only was I unable to get out and about with my family while they were here, there’s that stinging prickly reality of my basic bed-to-recliner, recliner-to-bed routine. Day in and day out. With only brief periods of time being quasi-upright, the struggle to keep the positive vibes flowing is real. Oh yes, the struggle is real people.
If only I could accurately express how I long to feel well enough to simply – human. You know, to go and do, normal people-like activities. For almost two years now, I’ve missed even the simplest of pleasures like feeling the warmth of the sunshine hitting my face for longer than only a brief encounter. Thank you multiple medications and extreme sensitivity to the heat and humidity. And this is just crazy talk now, but how grand would it be to go for an actual walk? Lyme et al, you’re definitely killin’ my vibe right now.
Today is rounding out to be a lean on my faith and search for inner strength day. Personally referred to as one of my dig down deep moments. Angry at myself for allowing weakness to take over. I mean seriously, how can I feel sorry for myself? There are so many others suffering in this world, especially young and innocent children.
Note to self: So, you didn’t get to go shopping for a bistro table, or enjoy lunch out with your brother and sister-in-law while they were in town. Get a grip woman! The sun will still shine tomorrow.
The mind is a powerful tool, when it’s functioning properly that is. I’m trying my best to redirect my thoughts toward positive focus and reflection. Giving thanks for all of the wonderful moments I’ve experienced thus far in my life. From the busy, active, and exhilarating times before illness began to rule my world full time, to my now – ahem – completely inactive lifestyle as an involuntary homebody. TV time with the hubs is the highlight of my life these days, and I am thankful for every moment we spend together in our comfy recliners watching the tube. Thank goodness for DVRs. And comfy recliners.
For all of the precious times and experiences – taken for granted at the time they were happening – I am immensely grateful for, and reflect back upon these memories rather fondly now. I’ve enjoyed some gloriously fun gatherings, with both family and friends over the years. And how thankful I am that my 20’s and early 30’s were pretty darn fun, despite battling illness.
Note to self numero dos: Turns out reflection can be good for the mind and the soul, but still cause you to cry if emotionally unstable. That’s ok.
I continue to pray and look forward to future life experiences. I am only 49 for Pete’s sake! There is so much more I desire to do while on this planet, and it definitely consists of more than – merely existing. I mean really, I have a brand new camera that’s been sitting in a box for months waiting to be used. Thanks to my brother, it is box free and ready for action. This sickly chick needs to get outside of these shrinking walks and take some pictures!
But on days like today, I’m unable to process or handle even minimal stimulation. Window shades are drawn, so I turn to easy on the eyes and mindless TV shows. Anything soothing and simple, where volume and dialogue are optional. HGTV is one of my favorite channels, as I like to get lost in the thought of traveling to exotic and beautiful islands. How wonderful it would be to have a 1.5 million dollar vacation home in St. Croix overlooking the ocean. Right?
The downside, in addition to the obvious – not owning a 1.5 million dollar home on an island – is that sometimes, oddly, watching these shows can make my gray mood even gloomier. If I’m experiencing an incredibly miserable day with my symptoms escalated on the higher end of the scale, my emotions are on overload and Mrs. Sensitivity is in the house. Nothing like bawling while watching House Hunters! I mean, seriously. It’s not like I’m watching a pull at your heart strings movie on the Hallmark or Lifetime channels. I totally need to get a grip.
This “oh woe is me” moment in time shall pass, and be yet another blip in the day and the life of this Lymie. So, yes, I’m feeling miserable and wishing life were different right now. Who doesn’t experience similar feelings from time to time? I have so much to be thankful for, and I do my best to remember – my blessings outnumber my struggles.
Note to self numero tres: Positive reflection is a good thing. Duh!
Thank you for letting me blather on, and in the process – talk myself down off the ledge, as it were. This free therapy gig is ok! Well, for me anyway. You, not so much – ha! I do, however, wish my blathering could somehow dissipate these persistent and debilitating Lyme symptoms. Truly hoping this miserable phase will lessen soon. At least I am no longer crying while watching a young couple choose the house of their dreams in St. Croix! There’s that. #GlassIsHalfFull
Until my next Blathering…..may you be blessed with healthier and happier days ahead, and endless positive reflection. It’s good for the mind and the soul, even if it makes you cry.
Terry 💚 The Blathering Lymie
#PositiveRefection #MyBlessingsAreGreaterThanMyStruggles #DigDownDeepMoments #LifeOfALymie #LivingTheLymeLife #LymeDisease #ChronicIllness #MoreThanLyme #LymeDontKillMyVibe #TurnPainIntoPurpose #DontLetIllnessStealYourJoy #BlatheringsOfALymie #ColorMeLyme